A Snapshot of Motherhood

Written by greenandcleanmom on Sep - 11 | Comments | Related : Green Parenting, Uncategorized

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Today I write about being a mom. It’s my website and even though it’s about going green it’s also about being a mom and frankly, I need to write this. I’m nervous to press publish but thank you to Jennifer.

I’ve never really enjoyed being a stay at home mom.

I know, some of you might be shocked. Some might dislike me or are passing judgment on me. Really, I don’t care. I’ve probably thought the same “bad” things about myself that you might be thinking. I’ve judged myself probably harder then anyone could judge me. I’ve cried myself to sleep wondering why I can’t just be satisfied with staying at home. I have friends that love it and others that wish they could stay at home and not work. Except, I’ve felt lonely, brain dead, unstimulated, bored and frankly like I just suck when I’m at home with the kids. Like I’m not completely happy but if I do anything else I would be a horrible person and plagued by mommy guilt.

This does not mean I don’t love my kids or being with them.

This is the problem, when moms say that don’t really like being a stay at home mom they’re perceived as women who shouldn’t have had children and are bad moms. If you are someone that might think this: Bite me. I’m in love with my children. I try very hard to be a “good” mom and bend over backwards to raise my children to be good citizens of the World and Planet. To love themselves, respect others, and enjoy life. I try to bake cookies regularly and do the things I believe good moms should do. I try everyday around the clock because I love my kids. I do the chores, fold the laundry, cook the dinner and I don’t necessarily like it. I’ve never learned to like doing laundry or changing dirty diapers. I still love being a mom and I love my children. None of this means everyday is awful or that I didn’t have wonderful joyous moments that I’m thankful for.

I took a snapshot years ago of what it would be like to have children and be married. That snapshot involved me having lots of children and loving being at home with them, cooking, cleaning and caring for the home. I wanted to be June Cleaver.

I have to take a new picture because the old picture is not me. Trust me when I tell you, I’ve struggled with this. I think I’ve crushed my husband’s dreams a little too. Before marriage we both wanted several children and for me to be a homemaker. I started babysitting and caring for children when I was very young so it was natural for me and what I always thought I would do. I never even tried to imagine anything else because I assumed I would love it. I was always told I would make such a great mommy. I worked in daycare’s, taught preschool and everyone said I would be such a good mommy. I believed them and thought I would too.

Actually, I am a good mommy. I’m a kick ass mommy.

I’m just not the mom I thought I would be when I took that visual snapshot so many years ago. So now, I’m heading back to work. I’ve accepted a job part-time using my degree and will finish my Masters this fall in early childhood education. I’ve enrolled my children in preschool and daycare and hired someone to help clean the house. I’m dedicated to making my business, Green and Clean Mom, LLC be outstanding and have updated my services offered page. I have booked a four day vacation to a beach resort with just my sister and no kids.

I have reclaimed me. Actually, I think I am trying to find me, again.

I have a new picture and this picture includes me smiling. Me holding my two children dear to my heart. Sommer Poquette, Green and Clean Mom, doing what she loves because when I am happy and healthy I am the best mom I can be to my children. Starting with back to work part-time.

Everyone has a different picture but sometimes they have to take many different shots to actually get a picture that really portrays them.

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Michele

I loved this post!

I've always been driven and a bit overly ambitious when it came to my work. So when motherhood began for me in 2001, I stuck with my traditional full-time job and continued to power up the career ladder. By the time I was pregnant with our second child, I started to realize that full-time employment wasn't for me. I couldn't stand leaving my children in someone else's care for 10-12 hours a day, while I worked my tail off to pay them! But, I knew that being a stay-at-home mom wasn't for me either (commendable, but not for me). So in 2003, I started a business, like many ex-professional moms do.

There have been periods in my self-employment when work has been so slow that I felt like a SAHM. I always did my best to embrace those down periods and jump fully into being a SAHM, but ultimately it made me pretty miserable...AND, like you, I love my kids tremendously!...so it was a bit of an internal conflict.

Today, I still work for myself, but fill in the gaps (financially and professionally) that slow periods offer, by teaching part-time college courses. This way, I can still contribute toward our family's earning and be a more balanced work-at-home/stay-at-home mom.

Beth Blair

I know I DM/twittered you, but this post really stuck with me and wanted to write more than 140 characters. :-)

I totally thought I would be Mrs. Suzy Homemaker when I was pregnant, but after having my first child I quickly found out I wasn't. I launched a stay-at-home career which has been valuable for many reasons and good at the time, but I understand why many moms feel they need to have a life outside of the home. Motherhood, if you're not careful (especially being a SAHM) can strip you of who you are.

admin

@Kim@Michelle@Rebecca

First off @Rebecca I didn't like being pregnant either but like @Michelle said, I did it again because of the end result.

@Kim I also have learned a lot about me that I would have never learned. I am so thankful for the time I had with both of my children and I feel very lucky. I'm just ready to move on, now that I've learned about me and what makes me happy.

Thanks for commenting ladies!

Michelle

Thank you Sommer for this posting. It hit home so much for me and I am thrilled to see how many other mom's have the same struggles or guilt that I do.

I also want to send a big hug to Rebecca- I too hated being pregnant and will do it again only because the end result is worth it, but there are us women out there.

Kim Woodbridge

I wanted to stay home with my daughter after she was born. It was difficult at the time to live on one salary but we made it work. I went back to work when she was 3.5. I found that staying home was not for me and I was not happy - I started losing myself. I was someone's wife or someone's mother but didn't know where Kim was anymore.

I'm glad I did spend that time with her though. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have learned about this part of myself and I would have felt that I had missed out on something. If I knew then what I know now, I would have done things differently but I learned a lot about myself.

I love my daughter but I don't find all the of the duties that go with parenting to be fulfilling and often yearn to be left alone. Many people, especially women, look at me askance when I verbalize this.

It frustrates me that women judge each other for their choices and for what fulfills them rather that working together to create a world where we all allowed to be who we are and still be considered a good mother.

Thanks for the article. It is so refreshing to hear someone express my feelings on this issue.

admin

Hi Amy! Thanks for commenting. I think all of us need to figure out what makes us happy (not that it is easy) but also realize that we change and what made us happy last year might not make us happy this year. To say the least, my husband is having a hard time with this. He thinks things stay the same and they don't. People don't. Change is constant so embrace it...as best as you can.

Amy

I agree with Patricia-- having that self-awareness does make you a great mom and a kick-ass person to boot!

There has been a lot of post-partum depression in my family and I think perhaps the worst part of it all is that it is not acceptable to say "hey, this is difficult and makes me unhappy right now and I could use some support."

I read a story about a new mom who was having some of these feelings and all it really took to get through it was finding another mom who had some of the same feelings and having someone to talk to and identify with.

You're a rockstar. If working part-time is fulfilling for you, it will be fulfilling for your family to have you and your best and healthiest. Yay for self-discovery.

(Also-- your picture metaphor rocks and I'm going to be thinking about my own snapshots concerning some of the stuff I've been dealing with lately. Thank you for writing this.)

admin

@Michelle Gudmsen @Rebecca @ all my readers that have commented.

Thanks for you support. I think we owe it to each other to be honest and realize that we aren't all cookie cutter personalities. What works for my family might not work for you. We can all take our own picture but we should try to make it be about who "we" are and not what others want things to look like.

Michelle Gudmunsen

I LOVE your honesty, Sommer! I often feel the same ways. As a teacher, I have 9 months a year to miss my kids while being the crazed and busy working mom, and 3 months a year to be with them as their ultimate chauffer, entertainer, nutritionist, and nurturer. We treasure the summers together, but there times when I have to admit they benefit from the care of trained professionals (daycare and preschool teachers). I have said for three years now that my dream situation would be to work part-time year-round. Good luck to you in your new ventures! And rest assured that I KNOW what an awesome mommy you are :)

Rebecca

I'm so new to the stay at home mom thing I havn't fully formed an opinion about it yet.. but the leaving him right now just makes me panic. So far I like it, but I guess its easy to love right now because its so new ( and I really don't want to get back to my thesis work so it seems like a good excuse not to). Although I do understand what your going though on a different scale. I hated being pregnant and people just couldn't understand why I wasn't over the moon about the whole thing. I love the end result and will do it again eventually but man it toally sucked! I'm glad you are taking control and going to find what makes you happy. Everyone takes a differnt slice of the pie, you have to find the one thats right for you.

Rebeccas last blog post..Winding down...

Jen

Good for you. I don't know why moms put so much pressure and guilt on ourselves . I work full time and my kids are in daycare and there is not a day that passes that I don't feel guilty about it. Since I never had the opportunity to stay at home, I can't say 100% that it is not for me. But truthfully, I think our current situation is probably the best for everyone. Thanks for this post!!!

Jens last blog post..The Ultimate Portabella Mushroom Sandwich

patricia

I think realizing that about yourself makes you a great mom. I'm similar in that I'm always trying to do things that stimulate my mind. I get restless and bored. Sometimes I lose my temper with the kids, because we all spend so much time together.

I just published something on my www.lifeintheburb.com site about my lack of patience in helping with homework. It makes me feel horrible, but I know I'm a good mom.

My mother worked, and because of it we had such a great respect for her. She was an involved and giving mom, and a successful business owner. Good luck to you!

Ali

Thank you for this post. I often have the same sentiments. I cried exceptionally hard when I dropped my son off at childcare, and miss him dearly every day...but I know that work for me is not only an obligation (financially), but also in some ways necessary (emotionally/mentally). And yet, I need reminders like yours that I can still be a wonderfully engaged, dedicated and involved Mommy.