Do We Protect Our Kids Too Much?

Written by Derek on Mar - 09 | Comments | Related : Green Parenting

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Be careful! Watch out! Get down from there! Don’t do that, it’s dangerous!

Sound familiar?

Sometimes I wonder if we are protecting our kids too much. Protecting them from themselves, from the unknown, from our own fears. I mean, how safe can things really be in life? Now, don’t get me wrong. I still want to keep my kids as safe as I can, but there are times when I find myself buying in to other people’s fears.

For example, our parents grew up without having bicycle helmets (heck, I grew up not using a helmet, and I still don’t wear one, even commuting by bike everyday), yet now they’re recommended for every kid. I don’t think it’s wrong to wear one, but I’m not gonna make my kids wear them.

Of course, we still get reprimanded by random strangers about it (who are usually in a car, driving with one hand, cell phone in the other, the radio on, and a drink held between their knees). I want to tell them that 50,000 people die every year in auto-related accidents, and that they should be wearing a helmet while driving (but I don’t). And afterward, I wonder, “Should I have my kids wear a helmet?” After I think about it, I realize that they are putting their fears onto me, and I need to simply follow my fatherly intuition, not a stranger’s opinion.

Here’s another example: Fingers get slammed in doors all the time. My son had to have the tip of his finger sewn back together after a door was closed on it, so I’ve seen the damage and the danger. But I don’t think kids need to wear protective gloves around the house, and I’m not removing the doors of my house so that it won’t ever happen again.

I’m not sure that trying to protect our kids from the unknown works. Things happen. Life is messy. Bodies get hurt.

Having said that, I still buckle the kids in when driving, and I have them look both ways when crossing the street. We feed them good food and make them brush their teeth. And yes, we still say “Be careful!”

I may have blogged myself into a corner here…

I guess my point is that sometimes we need to let kids learn from experience, and that we can’t possibly protect them from everything. If we made all of their decisions for them, they would never learn for themselves.

Do you ever feel as if you’re too protective?

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trade show guru

@Amberlyn,
I thought California lead the nation in silly laws... I can't believe Tennessee beat us on this one. I guess we'll have to go for 10 years or 100 pounds... :) ~ Steve, the trade show guru

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Chic Mummy

Bike helmets are mandatory by law here in Australia, and the result has been a significant decrease in cycling, particularly amongst youth. Numerous studies in peer-reviewed journals have also shown that mandatory helmet wearing increases accident risk per cycling-km by 14%.

As for the booster seats for children, I do agree with this one. Seat belts are designed for an adult frame and distribute the force of a collision across the chest and pelvis, where the bone structure is much stronger. Young children, especially if they are shorter are not protected in the same way, and the seat belt tends to put the force across the stomach area (especially if children push the sash under their arm), which causes serious (and often fatal) internal injuries. Simply using a booster or child seat places the belt in a much safer position.

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Heather

Ah! So much to worry about! My Mom makes me think I'm not careful enough but I think my little one is pretty resilient! Loved the point about not removing doors, very true!

<abbr>Heathers last blog post..Lil Green Baby Food: Carrots</abbr>

Amberlyn

I like this post. Alot! I do think that others project their fears onto others and that it can be harmful to your well being. I never wore a helmet and yes, I busted my head open once and I'm fine. Didn't even need stitches. You have to use your own common sense on these things.

Steve~about the booster seats. My sister's youngest is almost 7 and still required in TN to use one as she is shorter and weighs like 30lbs. It's stupid the way people want to reflect their overcautiousness onto others

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trade show guru

Hey Derek,
I tend to agree with you on your statement about living in fear.
If you really want to crack open a can of worms, ask me what I think about the state of California changing the child car seat laws from up to 4 years old and 40 pounds TO up to 6 years old and 60 pounds. As my wife says, pretty soon she's going to be required to sit in a booster seat! ~ Steve, the trade show guru

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Derek

Thanks for the comments -

Re: bike helmets - Yes, accidents happen, and I'm not gonna tell others that helmets aren't needed. You have to decide that for yourself. I just know that there are plenty of other things we can focus on other than fear.

A good friend of mine was wearing a helmet, wiped out on gravel and busted her chin and elbow, neither of which a helmet protects against. So where do we draw the line?

My point was more about the general tendency of us as parents to protect our kids from themselves, not to go without a helmet...

<abbr>Dereks last blog post..The Great Man</abbr>

Anisa

Derek - I usually really love your posts, and with this one I agree on some points: I do think as a whole, we over-protect our kids. But I also think that telling (pick one) people/your kids/yourself that bike helmets are not needed and people who say they are are only putting their personal fears onto you is foolish. The equivilent of telling people that seatbelts aren't important either. My parents grew up without seatbelts and lived. But many, many people died before the laws were changed and they were put into every car.
As you stated in your post, people in cars "driving with one hand, cell phone in the other, the radio on, and a drink held between their knees" hardly have the ability to watch for a bicyclist, especially smaller ones like a child. And they surely won't be able to react in time to not hit one if the bike is in their path.
I wear a helmet when I ride, and a seatbelt in the car, not because I am afraid or paranoid or because I am an unsafe rider/driver. But because so many others out there are.

It only takes once... and you only have one of each of your kids (and yourself!). Don't live in fear, let kids learn, and eat dirt and do whatever else. But don't foolishly squander a life either. What will they learn if they are killed the one time they get hit on a bike without a helmet?

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saucy salsita

i think we do!!! for sure. some of my friends won't let their kids go outside cause the other kid is riding his tricycle to rapidly. meanwhile, her son is sitting at home thinking what's wrong.
sometimes we just have to let go and trust that our kids know what they are doing. i'm doing it and am freaked out everytime, but its the only way my son will learn. (although, i do find myself stepping in to help more than i want to:)
Saucy Salsita, AKA The Sexy Hippie - Because sexy comes in GREEN!
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trade show guru

hi Sommer,
I'm afraid you did blog yourself into a corner on this one. :)
We didn't have bike helmets growing up either, but I suppose we had a lot of luck. I remember some gnarly bike crashes, and can't image letting my kids ride without helmets. That said, I agree with "balance", and with having a lot of good luck growing up. :) ~ Steve, the trade show guru
PS. Does your son have a scar on the tip of his finger? Seems like that would be way cool for a boy to have! But nailing all your doors shut, or removing them, would be silly.

<abbr>trade show gurus last blog post..Green Trade Show Displays</abbr>

Stumbler

It sounds like you are very level headed. My son is only a year old... so I'm not too overprotective yet!

My mother-in-law won't let her youngest (who is 22 and still lives at home) drive at night, drive more than 5 miles from home, go out alone at night... the list goes on! My husband was rebellious enough to escape her clutches.

I hope that I am never like her.