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I am not afraid to fly. I find it exhilarating actually. I love the feeling of taking off, looking out at the landscape and the clouds; oh they remind me of watching Care Bears when I was little. Sometimes I even look out and wonder if the little green bear “Lucky” is jumping from one cloud to the next. I actually like airports and watching the other travelers, wondering about where they are from, making up stories about their lives in my head. I cannot help it, I’m a people watcher. I’m the person who when we’re driving home late at night look into the lit up windows and make up stories about the lives in that home. I always have. I attend football games and love watching the people not the game. Yes, I’m weird but whatever I have this mind that never shuts down. I digress, I am not afraid to fly and rather enjoy it.

After the most amazing weekend in Miami at Mom 2.0 making new connections, reconnecting with great friends, being inspired by like-minded entrepreneurial women, touring the Versace mansion {holey wow} and even enjoying some sunshine I felt ready to head home. I booked a flight a bit too early in the morning but I so desperately desire to be with my children after being away for a few days. The flight was on-time and we were taxiing to take off, speeding down the runway and then the airplane is quickly halted and the pilot calmly comes on the speaker telling us we’re about to depart but there is a crack in the windshield and we have to return to the gate and get a new plane.

Oh.

After a few hours of sitting on the runway because a storm cell comes through and basically halts the entire Chicago airport we finally get to exit the plane.

A crack in the windshield was a blatant understatement. The co-pilots window was shattered.

Shattered!

I was in disbelief. So much that I could not even get my phone out to capture it with a photo – I felt paralyzed and numb.

As we exit the plane we hear that our flight is cancelled and my mind goes into complete distress and “get me home now” mode with calling to rebook and attempting to figure this little hiccup out.

Wave of Emotions

I exhale. On the shuttle to an airport hotel the shattered window and what it could have meant had we been in the air flying over Lake Michigan – it hits me like a brick wall. I feel sick. Exhausted and sad to my core, thinking of what my family could have gone through and the terror that I could have felt. The horror!

I enter my hotel room, shut the door and literally shrivel to the ground and sob. The shaking, snot running all over type of sob and I cannot stop. Everything flashed before me and that mind that never stops runs through a million scenarios in my head. I feel achy and suddenly like I need to vomit. The grief is making me ill but then I stop and inhale.

I am breathing.

I am alive.

I am present and I touch my arms, put my hand to my heart and its beating.

I am sobbing again but it’s a thankful sob. A have mercy I am alive and thank you Lord.

Thank you.

Angels Exist

I write this as I sit waiting to board another airplane and I wonder to myself if this will change how I feel about travel and flying. I ponder this and look up at the hundreds of people around me with families, lives and loved ones.

No. I am not afraid to fly. I am just more grateful that I’m here. I will hug my children very tight tonight and I might even cry another ugly sob. I have to live life, we all do and flying is part of life, just like driving for me. There’s a reason we did not take off and that the shatter happened when it did and so it is not my time to go, I am needed here and I’m grateful so very, very grateful!  I am sure my angel grandmothers were looking after me, I am positive of it. And after all, somewhere in those clouds “Lucky” the Care Bear is up there and maybe, even just in my imagination I will see him but I’ll have to fly again!

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