I have been reminded, cancer is rampant.  Young women like me with young children, careers and lives are suddenly frozen in their tracks with fear and anxiety about living another day and what the future holds. Women who probably weren’t feeling well but continued drudging through the daily juggle of multiple responsibilities and child rearing and perhaps delaying the much needed doctor’s appointment because they thought the “symptom(s)” would subside. Probably just a virus or maybe stress and lack of sleep they might tell themselves, it is what I tell myself.

Frankly, cancer scares the shit out of me.  I’d rather not think about it and pretend it won’t happen to me. I cannot say that with any such certainty, hence the fear. I can hope that it won’t happen to me but what makes me different then Ellie from One Crafty Mother or Jen from Am I Still a Little Girl? Two women about my age with children both suffering from different types of cancer but nonetheless, C-A-N-C-E-R.

I have no clue why there are so many stories of young women and even young children being diagnosed with cancer but I can make guesses. I have suspicions. Food, diet, toxins, medications, chemicals, the environment, genetic predispositions and yes even better detection. Yet I do not know. I really do not believe anyone knows. Yet disease rates climb, air pollution rises, fish are born mutated, foods are continually recalled and the list goes on and on and on.

Except what can I do? What can you do? It all feels overwhelming when I sit and think about it. {This is why I try not to think about it.} Daunting and depressing. I lay in bed thinking about the details of what if it was me. My head is going to explode, my eyes hurt from crying and my heart hurts. My heart actually hurts. What if it was me that had been diagnosed? What if that is me someday and I’m Ellie or Jen?

Courage and Bravery

Those with cancer are like troops but wounded troops. They’re fighting a battle for their lives, their future, their families and all that beholds them.  All they ever imagined beholds them. They take a beating day after day fighting for their lives to fight the cancer cells to kick their ass.

I do not know these women but I imagine they’re like most strong and courageous women in my life. They fight with a smile on their face so that nobody can see their pain. They try not to complain or show weakness and ask for help. Yet they hurt to the core and this breaks my heart for them and for all cancer patients.

So I Wonder

Could I be so brave to shave my head like Jen?To write about my experience so openly like these women.

Take photos.

Share my story.

Fight to the death.

Embrace my fate and dream another dream because I believe it to be true.

Oh my wondering. I guess we never know until we step into another person’s shoes what we will do. Until we are faced with something tragic and have to personally cope and deal with it.

Ellie and Jen are so brave. I feel as though I could not be so brave, that I’m weaker or less capable for some reason.  Perhaps it is my fear that shakes my sensibility and reality that I’m a fighter and I have a lot to live for.  So do you my friend. So do you.

So live today.

Be grateful.

Pray for Ellie and Jen and all those fighting cancer.