Dear son,

Today you are four. I think most moms say, it seems like yesterday I just had you. No, it seems like four years ago…they’ve just gone quickly! When I was pregnant with you I wanted to do everything right. I wanted to eat right to nourish you. I wanted to buy you everything I thought was safe. I tried to breast feed because that is what I was told was best, yet you basically starved for three days because I could not produce milk due to a hormone imbalance. That my son, was the beginning of the struggles between doing what I thought was right and doing what I knew in my heart was not right.

I made many choices four years ago because I knew nothing else. I bought the baby food in number 7 plastic containers because I did not know about BPA. I used the plastic baby bottles and heated them in the microwave (gasp)! I used the baby shampoo with chemicals and parabens because that’s what I got for my baby shower, my mom said it was the best! I used diapers that were bleached because I didn’t know they made anything else and I even washed the floors with bleach and the counters with 409 (my grandma did)! I seriously did not know and I am so sorry. Knowing what I know now, I’m surprised you don’t have some brain damage or serious problem. Phew, you’re okay! I am sorry for not opening my eyes, asking more questions and trusting my gut feelings. I have spent the last two years devoted to learning, teaching, trying to be a catalyst for change and an inspiration. I really hope that all of this lessens your temper tantrums, demands for more dinosaurs, your stubborn streaks, pacifier addiction and bubba gum chewing phase. I’m guessing that it won’t because you’re four, but a mom can hope!

Son, hopefully you won’t have to go through this when you have children but you probably will. The world will change and they will find more things to tell us to use or not use. Information, statistics, media, and reports will be conflicting. My wish is that you will find a balance between nature and science. You will trust your heart and follow it. I hope I can spend the next, how many ever years, teaching you about trusting yourself, respecting nature, giving back to others, and how to live healthy. I wish you could know, how very much I love you and have enjoyed these four years and how much I look forward to all the years to come. I am not sure I would have ever come to learn about being more earth friendly and “green” had I not had you. You are my catalyst for change.

Today you will take your dinosaur hunt throughout the house and find your presents. We will celebrate your birth and rejoice. I just hope that the air you breath today and the water you drink tomorrow will continue to be healthy and safe for you when you add a 0 to that 4. I wish I could promise you this and make it come true but when you blow out those candles I will wish my hardest. I will close my eyes and wish for clean air, clean water, pesticide free food, polar bears, and fewer childhood cases of asthma, cancer and death. I love you son.

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